The Pumpkin Problem
by Redblade
Summary: Tobi doesn't know what to make the jack-o-lantern look like. And why is a fifth 'Akatsuki Halloween Rule' added after this? Read to know.


**Disclaimer: Don't own. No matter how many times I wish.**

The pumpkin sat on the table. Tobi stared at it. It didn't stare back. Well, of course it didn't since it hadn't been carved yet, that task was Tobi's, and Tobi's alone. There was only one teeny weeny itsy bitsy thing though that kept the swirly-masked goof from just grabbing a knife ant attacking the poor defenseless vegetable. Well, to be exact there were two, but Zetsu didn't really count since Tobi could just carry the pumpkin away before carving it.

_(Akatsuki Halloween Rule #1: Don't carve the pumpkin where Zetsu can see you, or you'll become the lantern instead.)_

But, as marked earlier, Zetsu wasn't really the main problem. No, what was really keeping Tobi's hands off the lovely orange pumpkin was - as much as he hated to admit it, even to himself - his temporal total lack of imagination. Poor Tobi simply had no idea what the lantern should look like.

Hmm... maybe he could ask the others? Well... except for Zetsu-san, of course. Yup, the idea seemed good enough.

Tobi stood up and stretched, throwing Zetsu a glance. The venus flytrap was shut so... he was probably napping or... something. So, who first? Tobi peeked out from the kitchen to the dimly lit corridors that formed most of the infamous, secret (secret meaning here that the address isn't in the phone book) Akatsuki base and headed joyously towards Deidara-senpai's room.

Tobi peered into the room and noticed Deidara-senpai sitting by his desk with his back towards the door. The blond was mumbling something and didn't notice as the masked nin crept behind him.

"Deidara-senpai, what are you doing?" Tobi chirped. Very loudly. The ex Iwa-nin jumped half a foot in the air, stared at the clump of clay on his table for two and a half seconds and spun around. The clay bomber was positively fuming.

"Tobi. You. Ruined. My. Art... Un. I'LL KILL YOU!!!!"

Tobi barely had time to utter one incoherent word (it was 'oops') before he sprinted out of the room and down the hallway, pursued by a flock of white, angry, exploding clay bats.

_(Akatsuki Halloween Rule #2: Do NOT disturb Deidara when he's making the anti-fangirl preparations or you'll be blown up. And if the fangirls get in, YOU'll be held responsible.)_

After losing the murderous bat-bombs (he hid in Itachi's bathroom) Tobi decided to try and locate the Uchiha and ask him for ideas. There was only one minor flaw in that plan. Actually _finding_ the elusive sharinganist.

Tobi started at Itachi's room.

"Itachi-san?" No one there.

The living room, the kitchen, the TV room, outside the mysterious room Tobi was never allowed in and even corridor 51, but the Uchiha was in none of these. Then he checked Kisame's room, just for the heck of it.

"Kisame-senpai!"

"Ha?" A grunt answered from on the bed where the shark-nin was lounging and reading a book.

"Do you know where Itachi-san is?"

"In my bathroom."

"When will he come out?" Tobi tilted his head.

"Not in a while."

"Oh." Tobi's mood sunk slightly. "Why is he in _your_ bathroom, Kisame-senpai?"

The swordsman threw an amused look at the masked boy. "Apparently someone had locked themself in his and kept screaming 'They're coming! Don't let them in!'."

Tobi crossed hir arms. "Tobi didn't scream. Tobi is not a girl." And then he left the room. Unfortunately, when Tobi finally had realised he could've asked Kisame-senpai about the pumpkin and hurried back to the shark-nin's door, it was firmly locked and no one opened even though Tobi knocked for five minutes.

Tobi sighed and decided to return to the kitchen for a while. Maybe, if he was lucky, the pumpkin had magically carved itself and he wouldn't have to rack his brain about it anymore. Yup, that was definitely worth a try!

Tobi sat backwards on a kitchen chair, staring at the pumpkin, once again. Zetsu was making weird, part snore-ish noises in the corner with his flytrap shut. Tobi was still staring at the pumpkin. And no, the orange vegetable still didn't stare back.

_Thump._

Tobi sat up straight and looked around. Nothing was out of ordinary.

_Screech._

Tobi stood up and looked around again. The sounds were a bit muffled, maybe coming from another room?

_Thwack!_

The masked nin jumped nearly a foot in the air as the floor shook slightly. He looked down. The cellar then? No one ever went there... it was spooky. And all that 'thwak'ing and 'screech'ing and-

_Slush._

...and 'slush'ing- wait, _slushing_? What in the name of... anything made a _slushing_ sound _in the cellar_? Well, now Tobi was all into going to the dark, damp dungeon that stretched underneath the official base and was hell-bent on revealing the truth behind the odd sounds.

And so the brave little criminal sneaked past Zetsu and to the farthest, darkest corner in the whole kitchen. There, enclosed by the ominous shadows was a door which, as Tobi tested, was unlocked. Quickly the masked nin lit a candle and opened the creaking, old door. A set of stone stairs was revealed, descending to the dark unexplored depths of the Akatsuki hideout. A faint gurgling sound floated up from the darkness, or maybe it was just the draught in some cracks in the wall?

Tobi gulped and ever so slowly begun descending the staircase. The moist breeze made the candlelight flutter, creating creepy shadows onto the walls as the ninja crept on. At the bottom of the staircase there was a door. A thick, wooden one. It opened without the faintest noise, which was kinda creepy...

"H-hello? Anyone here?" Tobi whispered into the blackness that was The Cellar. No answer was heard and he carefully stepped in. He managed a glimpse of a low ceiling (the kitchen floor... but how come the staircase was so long then? o.O) and stonework walls that glistened wetly from something other than water before something caused a gust of air which blew out the candle and left poor Tobi in the pitch black.

"Uhh... maaaybe this wasn't such a good idea. Yup, Tobi will just go back upstairs now..."

Maniacal chuckling which escalated to laughter sounded up from behind the left-in-the-dark and now scared-shitless Tobi. (If you have watched shippuden ep 79, you _know_ what insane laughter I mean.)

_(Akatsuki Halloween Rule #3: Don't go into the cellar. It's for your own good. Hidan usually... snaps... at this particular time of year.)_

Once again Tobi was sitting in a chair, staring at the damned pumpkin. How did he escape the ultra-dimensional Akatsuki cellar of horror, you wonder? Maybe I'll tell it to you one day, maybe not. All I can say is that poor little Tobi won't be able to sleep for a _long_ time. And that he desperately needs new shoes. _Desperately_.

Well, since the brave little popsicle head got bored at staring the unresponsive lantern-to-be again, he made up his mind one more time, this time deciding to go and ask the aesthetically probably the most correct person in the whole organisation: Konan-chan.

After departing from the kitchen once again (How long was Zetsu intending to nap in there?) Tobi took off towards the blue-haired kunoichi's room, spinning around a random stuffed toy cat he found in the hallway. Once he stepped in the corridor by which Konan's room was, the deserted feel the greatest part of the base had switched to a completely different atmosphere. Long, thin, black candles with blue flames framed the dim corridor and from somewhere very far away the still air carried the faint spooky sound of a church organ.

Was there a church somewhere in the hideout too? Tobi almost went sparkly. Of course, there had to be! Just... hope that Hi... Hi... Hid... H...... Jashinist-san won't ever find it...

The hallway kept getting colder and colder as Tobi ventured further towards a simple black door that signaled the passageway to Konan-chan's room. By the time the masked nin reached the door he was shivering and wishing he'd put on the winter cloak instead. It was probably even colder than outside!

"K-k-k-k-k-konan-chan?" Tobi asked through his chattering teeth while knocking. No answer. No, wait, there was a piece of paper under the door! The swirly-mask picked up the white sheet and read the two lines on it.

_In a meeting with Leader._

_Those seeking to disturb will suffer._

_~Konan_

Ok, not very fun. Tobi looked further down the dark hallway towards where Leader-san's office and rooms were. Maybe Konan-chan wasn't really that serious with the note? After all, if she wouldn't have an idea for the lantern, then Leader-san sure would.

But... Tobi hugged the stuffed cat closer as he peered down the corridor. The candles ended slightly after the black door, leaving the rest of the hallway... pitch... black...

Tobi wasn't right now particularly into dark places, not after the cellar. And, he suddenly remembered, No one was supposed to disturb Leader-san unless they had a _very_ good reason. So, quicker than a thought, Tobi was in the warm, well-lit and nearly mortal danger -free (Zetsu was still there) kitchen again. So, leaving Leader-san as the last option, who was left? Tobi thought really hard.

"A-ha! Kakuzu-san!"

Tobi headed cheerfully to the general part of the base where Kakuzu-san's (and Hidan's currently unoccupied) rooms were. Once there he wasn't sure which corridor to take. Neither was the cat. They pondered this for a while until Tobi's ears caught a faint grumbling sound.

_"...a pumpkin __**and**__ 7 boxes of candles..."_

Nodding to the stuffed toy he had allied with, Tobi set out towards the sound of complains and soon he saw a door, opened a crack, and a thin golden line the compact fluorescent lamp threw onto the floor through the crack.

Tobi thought for a few seconds and decided then to give the cat the privilege of peeking in first. Nothing happened and he peered in as well. What was visible was Kakuzu's back as he sat at his desk, examining something and grumbling to himself. Tobi of course couldn't resist but sneaked right behind the thread user and looked over his shoulder. Kakuzu was filing... shop receipts? Halloween expenses? Tobi watched in curiosity for a while, there were so many of the receipts, so much had been bought for Halloween. Then the mask-nin noted a funny receipt.

"Ne, Kakuzu-san! Why has someone bought three bottles of that really expensive metal polish you don't let Tobi buy to use for his stuff?"

The ex-Falls-nin jumped, scattering all the receipts on the table all about. He then quickly checked if what Tobi said was indeed true and begun fuming, cursing under his breath.

"_Hidan_........"

That reminded Tobi of something Konan-chan had told him to to a week back...

"Uh, Kakuzu-san? I have another receipt for you, from Konan-chan." The swirly-mask handed a slightly worn piece of quality paper to the fuming man, who snatched it, skipped to the sum at the bottom and nearly choked.

"_3 000 000 _ryou for _clothes_ and _make-up_?" Kakuzu bellowed, jumping to his feet and facing Tobi. "This receipt is a week old, Tobi! A _week_! How many packages do you think she's left unopened? None! _3 000 000 _ryou!" The money-obsessed missing-nin pointed a very ominous finger at Tobi.

"_You_." Kakuzu hissed. "You held onto this for a _week_. You'll pay!"

_(Akatsuki Halloween Rule #4: Halloween costs a lot, so DON'T bring up any unexpected expenses to Kakuzu at this time. We won't pay for your funeral.)_

Why were everyone so mean today? They were treating poor Tobi like a pest. But Tobi was a good boy, not a pest! A good boy! Tobi very nearly sulked as he dragged his feet along the irregular pathways of the base. It wasn't too long before he found himself in the weirdest part of the hideout, and in-doors underground greenhouse. This was where Sasori-danna grew his plants, the ones for poisons and the ones for antidotes and other stuff.

On the far side on an overgrown patch of odd-colored mushrooms something was moving.

"Sasori-danna?" Tobi asked, trying to make out a route to the figure from among the maze of stepping stones dividing the different plant patches.

"What do you want, Tobi?" The slightly, but only slightly, annoyed voice of the puppeteer answered.

"Sasori-danna, you're so nice not to shout!" Tobi nearly cried of joy. "Everyone's been treating Tobi like a pest even though Tobi is a good boy!"

"Hn." The cloaked figure moved to the next patch. "So what do you want?"

"Tobi can't come up with a good idea for the jack-o-lantern!"

"Use your head, you'll figure out something." The puppet master moved a bit further to gather a bit of some odd plant with tiny yellow flowers.

"Tobi's head...? Thank you Sasori-danna!" Tobi took off back to the kitchen. 'Use Tobi's head' was an excellent idea! Why didn't he come up with it himself? Tobi skidded into the kitchen, took the pumpkin and left his questing companion (yea I'm talking about the toy cat) on the table instead. After snatching the knife from a drawer and checking that Zetsu-san wouldn't follow him Tobi ran to his own room and set to work.

The Halloween party was a blast, and not the Deidara way. They took the occasional drink, played games like 'Monopoly of War' and 'Ninjamovies & Money' (Kakuzu won, they were his games.) and they didn't run out of candy, courtesy of trick-or-treating fangirls and Deidara's exploding bats. And Zetsu got a good meal too. (fairies, angels, witches and the occasional 'ninja')

For some reason unknown to most Hidan had calmed down enough to be allowed to participate in the party. He was ok, as long as he wasn't allowed anything too sharp.

The next morning Akatsuki woke up mostly happy and partly hangoverish. Halloween was fun. Tobi himself woke under the couch, snuggling his dear little stuffed cat. He decided to go out and check how his lantern was doing. When the popsicle head went out he noticed Leader-san standing out frozen, staring at the pumpkin.

"Leader-san? Is something wrong with Tobi's lantern?" Tobi asked, walking to the orange-haired man. "Tobi thinks it's nice..."

"Tobi." the Leader spoke, his eyes still fixed at the jack-o-lantern. "How did you get the idea for this?"

"Tobi asked Sasori-danna what to make it look like and he said that Tobi should use his head."

The Leader sighed and headed back inside.

"Tobi, get rid of it."

Tobi stood outside, looking at the pumpkin lantern. It stared back. Tobi couldn't come up with any reason why Leader-san ordered him to 'get rid of it'. It looked great, just like Tobi's mask.

_(Akatsuki Halloween Rule #5: Don't let Tobi carve the pumpkin. Just don't.)_

_

* * *

_**Ok, that was that then. Rewiews rock. Oh, right,  
**

**_Happy Halloween!!!_  
**


End file.
